Shadow of My Doubt

I've decided it makes no sense to continue being coy about my personal issues in my blog. After all, I've been stark naked not only online but occasionally even on city streets (in San Francisco anyway). Although I prefer physical exhibitionism to the emotional variety, some life events are too important to keep buried.

So here's the scoop: I have cancer. The lump on my neck seemed to come out of nowhere, but in retrospect it was probably growing for months. I have seen three doctors in the last week. But until a biopsy and lab work is done, I won't really know where I stand or how to fight it. So tomorrow morning, bright and early, I go under the knife so the surgeon can get a piece of my problem for further study.

Am I haunted about the possible outcome? Of course. There are many different kinds of cancers. Some of them are quite curable. Others, as they say, not so much. An old adage says that worry makes a small object cast a big shadow. The challenge for me is to avoid dwelling on the worst case outcomes and just live constructively until we know the details.

Whatever the outcome, I will almost certainly begin chemo next week. Until then, I plan to enjoy a terrific Thanksgiving with my wonderful boyfriend who has been so loving and supportive. I really do have much to be thankful for.